Alter Ego, anoah33

Shark Tooth

2010-02-24T09:05:00.001-08:00

Trying to look for our God in the small stuff. He is apart of everything, He has made everything. He is all around us in Everything!
Sometimes we lose our way or get caught up in our own plans and need a swift kick in the butt. This is not about those times. Sometimes we go and meditate or seek God and He reveals himself to us in a big way. This is not about those times either. This is about looking for God in places we may not think to look.
Last Christmas we went on a vacation to Florida. We stayed with my Aunt, my Wifes parents, and my Grandparents. While thinking of things to do I remembered that there was supposed to be a beach in Florida that you could find shark teeth. After a quick google search and a look on google maps I found the city (Venice) and we decided that by taking a different route from her parents to my grandparents we could go there. I was excited to get there and find some shark teeth! Of course when we get there the wind is blowing like crazy and its really cold, even for Florida (like 50 at best). So after about half an hour and only a couple cool shells I'm thinking that I'm going home with out any shark teeth at all. Jessie decided to take the boys back to the car and I told her I was gonna do one more pass along the rocks. Its cold remember? So I'm in jeans and a coat, I do have my Vibram Five Fingers on which were working great walking across the rocks. Kinda bummed that I was looking at going home empty handed I did something that even now seems silly. I prayed. Mind you, I didn't get down on my knees or even fold my hands. I didn't close my eyes. In fact if you would have been watching me you wouldn't have even noticed. With out stopping what I was doing I thought "God, please let me find a shark tooth, just one little tooth, it would be so cool." Kinda a silly prayer right? Even then I thought what a dumb thing to pray about. But I really wanted to find one and figured it couldn't hurt.
A few minutes later while standing amongst the rocks I looked down as a wave pulled back and saw a little glimmer of black. I snapped down and grabbed a handful of sand around it. I stood up faced away from the wind and began sifting through the sand. I found one!! It was tiny but I didn't care, I found one! A legit shark tooth!! God had answered my praye--
Just then, with my back to the Gulf, standing on the shore amongst the rocks, a Giant wave rose up and I had become completely soaked. My jeans and jacket were saturated with freezing cold salt water. God had answered my prayer all right.
I couldn't stop laughing the whole way I hobbled to the car. For some reason I just knew, I knew God had looked down, heard my prayer, and with a little smile sent his wave. He has such a sense of humor some times.
Any other day I would have been pissed beyond belief about getting soaked at the beach, but I felt His presence. It really made me think about my life and all the God moments we might have and never make the connection. Some times you have to be on the look out for them. And some times we need a wave to rise up behind us. Think about it.

A Sonnet

2010-02-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

How could I show you how perfect you are?

Always have I dreamed of a love like this

I need you always near me, never far!

You saved my life with but a single kiss

And as you hold me tightly in your arms

This world pulls me to dark, far from the light

But you hold me closer, far from all harm

Each day, all day, and every single night

And know that I will never leave your side

But if it seems that we won't make it through,

Know this above all, something I can't hide

No matter what, I will always love you

So I pray that we may live together

And always love, always laugh, forever

I got nothing

2009-10-19T05:24:00.000-07:00

Wow its been awhile! Not sure why, I do really enjoy this. I guess I haven't had anything I really wanted to say. I still don't.

That's it for now, sorry. (I told you))

Have you checked out http://anoah33reef.blogspot.com yet?

Home

2009-08-04T05:27:00.000-07:00

There's no place like home, *click* *click* *click*. Home is where the Heart is. Home sweet home. Honey, I'm home!

What makes a place a Home? There are a few things that can be considered "home." It could be the state, or more likely the city that you live in or the road that you live on. For most people (I would think everyone but I'm sure its not the case) its your house. That building that you or your parents own. Or maybe an apartment that you rent. For far too many people its the overpass they sleep under, or a local shelter. But what makes a home, Home? My Home is not your home, and your home is not mine.
Last week I was on vacation up at Silver Lake, MI. My parents friends just finished building a cottage up there and they were nice enough to let us stay there for a whole week! As I arrived back after a short bike ride pulling my son around the block I said, "Micah, we're home!" And it dawned on me, this isn't my home! Of course it didn't take much (a margarita I think) to distract me from my own thoughts and I didn't think about it the whole rest of the week. Until that is, the last day. I woke up kinda early about seven or eight and started to pack up. We didn't need to leave until late afternoon but I was bored and it had to get done sooner or later. Once we were all packed up my wife and I were talking about what to do for the rest of the day. The options were,
1. Stay and hang out at the cottage
2. Go to the Beach
3. Go to moms and hang out by the pool
4. Go home
All these options are basically the same, sitting around and doing nothing only the setting in which we did it changed. But I had really strong feelings about option 4 over all the others. I just wanted to go Home. My wife, wanted to go to the beach :) but it was coast guard festival and we both knew it would be a nightmare trying to find a place to park. So we compromised and went with option 3, go to my parents house and hang out by the pool. This allowed her to float around in the sun, and me to sit inside in front of the wonderful glow that is television. (I hate the beach or sitting out in the sun in general, plus its Shark Week!). I lived in my parents house for about 12 years of my life. That house was home to me longer that any other place I've called home.
I remember when I moved out. And even though I was no longer living there, I still considered it Home. Then after a few months the apartment became my home, and then another apartment, and then another. Now, the house my wife and I live in is Home.
I realized it when we finally left my parents that day and got Home. Walking up the stairs to the bedroom I could feel that little bit of anxiety leave me and I felt so much more relaxed. Maybe it was just because I didn't have to wear pants anymore, but I think it was more than that. Why to we attach ourselves sentimental to these walls? What is it about "our space" that makes it feel like Home?
There is one more place that is Home for me. It is not a house, or building of any kind. You can't find it on a map, and there is no physical boundaries.
I am Home when I am spending time with my sons, I am Home when I am sitting close to my Wife, and last I am Home when I am with my God. This is my favorite Home. Its the best place on earth, and it hurts when I have to leave it.

my knees hurt,

2009-07-10T09:51:00.001-07:00

They do, my knees hurt. They crack when I move, and everytime I'm sitting for more than 20 minutes they just ache like crazy. My back hurts, bad in my lower back and up in my shoulders. It sucks. I'm tired and depressed all the time. Even on bright sunny days when I've had enough sleep. I feel alone in crowded rooms, I walk away from groups to be by myself for awhile. And secretly wish everyone would come ask me "what's wrong?" So I could tell them "nothing, I'm just fine."
How come I can have a great day, and one stupid insignificant thing can happen on my way home and wreck the whole day?

Wow, I feel a lot better now! (Or do I? ;)

looking at the Human side.

2009-07-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

Ever stub your toe? Of course you have I think we all do it from time to time. I think it is possibly one of the most painful things that happen to us. Taking into account how often it happens and the level of pain received comparing it to other things like broken bones, or other serious injuries. And to make matters worse, you feel so stupid. If you don't then your not thinking about it enough. Because if you think about it, you failed at walking!! Something that you have been doing for all but a year or two of your life. With that much practice, you can't hide, and are out of excuses.

The last time I remember stubbing my toe was while at Grand Haven beach, MI. I was walking the pier barefoot of course when out of nowhere my whole world was gone, and all there was left was pain. Throbbing pain in my foot, in my toe. Yes while enjoying a beautiful day watching the waves crash and fishermen fish, I had done it. I had failed at walking. I lost all control and no one would be proud of the indecipherable vocabulary of half scream, half swearing that was escaping from my mouth. Just saying the phrase "peeled my toe nail back" makes you squirm and second think reading this doesn't it? Feeling stupid as I realize that yelling only called attention to the people who didn't see my failure I limped back to my beach chair and cracked a beer to help with the pain. Of course I'm only reminded of my blunder for a few days a week or so at most with every step I take.

As Christians we believe in a lot of things. Some are easy to understand, and others require a significant amount of faith. In this case, faith meaning "I accept this as truth even though I don't fully understand it." Things like the trinity, God being three in one. He is God the Father, Jesus the Savior, and The Holy Spirit God in us. He is all of those things and he is one, not separate from each other. A very confusing concept that is accepted by most if not all Christians. On top of all that, Christ was also all God, and all man. Meaning that he was 100% the Son of God, and 100% human. Now logically this makes no sense. A mathematician would have no problem disproving this fact as myth. So we leave it to faith. And I'm fine with that.

Although I do think that Christians prefer to put more emphasis on the God part of Christ minimalizeing the human part as much as possible. You see it everywhere from Hollywood movies to the pulpit on Sunday mornings. Maybe its a macho thing. The Church has always been run by mostly male influence even nowadays. Does it make us feel like our God is inferior to others in some way? Like our God has a cryptonite and others don't. That could be, and the God side of Christ is extremely important without it the resurrection would have been pretty tough! But I think we are neglecting a very important side of our God. A very comforting notion. He knows what its like to be us!!

The one big thing to remember is that Jesus was perfect, he never sinned. But he still went through everything we go through. When this subject is talked about you usually hear about when He was tempted by the devil in the desert. (Mark 1:14). But even though this is the only time we really hear about temptation, I'm willing to bet it wasn't the only time.

Now take into account how much we walk nowadays. Now think about what it was like in Jesus' time. Take away the cars, the bikes, trains, etc. They walked everywhere! With the occasional camel or donkey and a boat ride here and there, but the point is they did a lot of walking. Also the road conditions of the time, clay or dirt, probably a lot of sharp loose rocks. At best they wore sandals, not the most protective of footwear, plus its easy to catch the front on something. I'm guessing mostly here but their feet were probably not in the best shape due to being exposed to the elements and no lotions or pedeggs were available in those days. Now, given all these factors I'd say its entirely possible that Jesus Christ stubbed his toes not just once, but multiple times! How cool is that?!!?

He truly knows where we are comming from. No matter what issue you are having, he can honestly identify! How hard is it when you're having a really bad day and you need someone to talk to and the only person you can find has never been in that situation. They just don't get it and rarely offer much comfort. But he does get it, he knows what its like to be mocked, to be hated, I'm sure he had plenty of bad days. He got tired, frustrated, weak. I take great comfort in this. I can feel his hand upon my shoulder, comforting me, he's telling me "I know, I know, it sucks. But its going to be okay. I'm here."

Recomended reading: Isaiah 53

"One vs. All"

2009-06-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Can just one person drastically make a difference in the world we live it? I'm talking about big time change. It seems impossible to me. In order for me to work it out in my head I have to bend it and twist it around too much. I hate justification, or anything that isn't black and white. The problem is, we live in an extremely colorful world. I guess one person could effect the lives of a few who would in turn effect the lives of a few each and so on and so on. Like a pyramid scheme only instead of riping you off, you get help. Does that count as one person changing the face of the world? I guess but it seems a little watered down to me. A politician could change a lot by changing, removing, or adding laws. But you never know because there's always another behind them who may change it back.

So what's the point? Why should I even try to make the world a better place for others around me? Being selfish and having it my way might be a better life for me... ...you could do it too! Instead of living for others we could all just live for ourselves!

Sitting in this crazy hot bus, on my way to York, PA. A mission trip with the church's youth group "Potters Clay" Sr high. The excitement is starting to kick in. Oh yeah, we get to be selfish! We're going white water rafting, going to Hershy Amusement park and having a great time hanging out with each other. And then comes the real treat. Helping others!! I know, I know, you're thinking "wait, what happened to the selfishness? Why are you helping others?" Here's my loop hole, ready? We will be changing the lives of these people. Maybe its nothing big but helping out someone in need is very gratifying! The good feeling you get deep in your soul, fills your whole spirit. You feel better than ever. I don't think there's a better feeling on Earth. What could be more selfish than that??

The Wall.

2009-06-18T09:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find myself standing next to a wall. It is an extremely high and very thick wall. On my side of the wall, it is dirty. The ground is covered in little sharp rocks that hurt the bottoms of my feet. There is very little light and it is just ever so uncomfortably hot. The air is thick and heavy making it difficult, but possible to breath. An unpleasant smell comes and goes that reminds me of rotting potatoes. Sure a nice breeze passes by from time to time, removing the smell and cooling my sweat covered face.
Worst of all, I know what is on the other side of that wall. Its a place where the sun is always shining but its not hot. A place with soft bright grass that springs under your feet. The air is fresh and crisp.
I know this because there is a gate near by. An old wrought iron gate that I can manage to stick my arm through. I can feel the edges of the grass, and when the wind is just right, I can taste the fresh air. It gives me hope.
The odd thing is that the gate, is not even locked. I could go through if I really wanted to. But I don't. Why not?
I honestly don't know. I have had brief visits to the other side. I know how great it is over there. but I still choose to sit in the dark.
Warning: Religious Content Ahead!
God has created us with Free Will. We have a choice. Why did he do that? Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just live together in peace? In a perfect place together with God. There could be no wars or hunger. No hate. No sin. If you haven't made the connection yet please go dust off that book you've had forever and turn to Genesis 1:1 start from there.
Why did God have to create that tree? Why did he allow the temptation? Was it his plan all along for us to eat the fruit? Maybe after that seventh day of rest he still knew that everything was good, but wanted to be even better. Does having evil make good great? Does having death make life more sweet? Or did He just give us free will in the hopes we could handle it, and we messed everything all up? Would that make God the failure or us?
Questions that can't really be answered are a tough thing for me. They have nothing to do with whether I am going to heaven or not, that's been decided on a cross.
All I know is what is waiting for me on the other side of this metaphorical wall. And I try to be a part of it as much as I can. To try and stay out of the darkness, to catch every possible whiff of the passing breeze, and to reach through the gate to touch the grass. To see my future. He has prepared my Home.

Creep

2009-06-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

I wish that I had this song while I was growing up. School was never easy for me. Not the academic part, but the having friends and being popular part. And I blame my parents! If it wasn't for them, I could have been a shallow, self-centered, little prick just like all the other popular people at my school. If they would have only raised me knowing that all that matters is how much money you have, what store you buy your cloths at, and what kind of cool shit your parents buy you was what really mattered I would have been so much better off! Sorry for the language, in face I have wanted to post this song for over a year but couldn't decide if I should censor it or not, being a youth leader and all. I've decided on a compromise, I posted it but not on facebook. To censor the lyrics would censor how i felt. Swearing may be "wrong" or a "sin" but sometimes that's just the truth. Believe me, I wish that I didn't feel this way. I have always had a very few close friends, but never really popular. Although I was always the kid who's mom took him to the park and easily found a friend for the day. Now I realize that the friend I always got was the kid who wasn't "cool." I grew up not knowing the meaning of that word, a person was a person and you should be nice to everyone. Do I regret the friendships I had growing up? No and Yes. On one hand, I had some amazing friends and I know that I was myself not trying to be someone else to be popular. On the other hand, I was not "cool" and subject to childhood mocking. Do I hate the people who made fun of me and refused to be nice. In short, yes. I know God wants me to forgive them and in a way I have forgave them. But that doesn't keep the anger from resurfacing from time to time. Like running into them, or writing a blog about the subject :)
So yeah, it's my parents fault. I hate them for making me a good and decent person. Thanks a lot mom and dad! I could have had it easy, I could have gone to partys, and made fun of other people. I could have been the reason for some other losers blog post that few will actually read only causing more feelings of self-worthlessness. But no, you had to teach me about Christs love, and that people are just that, people. People who deserve a chance even if you weren't given one. It would have been so nice to go through elementary and high school with tons of friends and yearbook pictures.

on the other hand, it's great to know I'm not a Dick!

Creep: by, Radiohead

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

So even though I still feel this way from time to time. I am thankful for my life. Thinking about how I want to raise my sons has been a small struggle. Do i want them to be popular, YES! That would be awesome. On the other hand, it is way more important to me that he is not a Dick. If they grew up the most popular kids in school but were total Dicks i would be so much more disappointed.
remember, its not too late to not be a Dick, give it a try you may end up loving being a "loser." just like me, hell I'll hang out with you!!

Harder than I Thought

2009-06-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am right where i thought I would end up. Wishing the blog was doing more, and having nothing to write about. i have a few ideas and topics but they all seem to veer over to the whole "religious" theme. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just wasn't my intent when i decided to start this. I don't want to turn you off to my blog if you are not a Christian. In fact, that was more of the demographic i was looking for. To be able to discuss faith, doubt, fears, ideas, and beliefs with people who all don't necessarily agree with each other. So there is my problem. I will have to think, pray, and meditate over this issue over the next few days, hopefully a solution will present itself.
I am also going to work on some "eye candy" for the blog. other than the picture slide show at top, I'm felling very bland. It hurts my eyes reading the page and thats not cool. so some pictures, and original art is in order. My two year old son, Micah painted a picture at Grand Rapids Festival '09 that we are going to get framed. Its very abstract but interesting to look at. It was very cool to watch him paint it. Obviously he lacks the traditional skills to be an "amazing prodigy" being that he is only two, but to see how intent he was with each brush stroke, how he carefully pondered his next color choice, and how the painting changes. As i was watching him I almost stopped him three or four times because it looked so cool. But then he would switch colors and the painting would become even different, and better. I find it intriguing what an innocent and hopeful mind accomplished. He isn't bothered by the thoughts of the mortgage bill, or the car breaking down. He doesn't deal with guilt or regret from doing things he wishes never happened. I know that I will be expanding on this more later, but for now I think it will do and I hope you are understanding what I am saying.

Here is his painting:

What Could Have Been

2009-05-31T09:16:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to thing about "What Could Have Been?" For me, its kind of like a day dream. But sometimes I will start to feel guilty. God has blessed me with an Amazing life. I have a wonderful family, that is filled with love. I wouldn't trade my life for any other. Although sometimes I can't help but think how drastically different it could have or could be.
This came about most recently while watching Animal Planets "Whale Wars." I see these people and think, how awesome is that life! Not that I feel quite as strongly as they do, but the general life style is appealing. Living far away from everyone and everything, not worrying about money or the car or what people think about you. Being fully submerged in something you passionately care about.
While writing this blog lots of things are popping in my head. I could have joined the army or just bummed around the country with no plan. And now some of this stuff seems intriguing at the surface but the more and more I think about it, there's a reason I didn't do any of it.
It just isn't me. My life that I have defines me very well. Loving family, a job that I like but don't hate, enough money to get by (for the most part lol) and not a huge social life. That's me, its who I am. Most days I go to bed in a good mood and that's good enough right?
I know this is a short one but its all I got for now,

Life & Death, Live it!!

2009-05-27T07:52:00.001-07:00

So I'm only 24 years old (I think, uh yeah that's right). I have a lot of life yet to live, and at the same time I've been around and learned some stuff. But in the recent month or so I have gained new perspective on the whole death thing.
Some times great people have for what seems to us no good reason, have their life taken sooner than what we would call "normal." If you don't die at 85+ peacefully in your sleep people say, "they were so young." And "I'm sure God has a plan." In our doubt and pain we like to pass off the situation to Faith in Gods Plan. Maybe he does, maybe not. It could be a sad side effect of us living in a sinful world with the blessing of free will. Now I am not saying that God is not in ultimate control.
Ask a family at my church if God is in control! Their daughter was suddenly sick. Double pneumonia and a list of other infections. She was looking at houses on wednesday and by friday she was in ICU. The doctors told her parents that it didn't look good. They were allowing friends and family to come into ICU because (they later found out) that they didn't expect her to make it. They moved her across state to another hospital that had some equipment they did not because there was nothing more they could do if she got worse. The doctors in Ann Arbor said they had never seen anyone who was this bad off make it. The only thing she had going for her was that at 22 she was so young... ...and the prayers from all around the world. A few weeks after this all started the doctors said she is well enough to go home! And the other day she came into the church office during the week. I could go on and on about this, and I know that I am leaving out some big details but you get the gist of it right?
Now, my experience. I had to get a refill for my prescription of Adderall XP so I called up my family doctor. For the past 2 years or so that I've been on this drug, I have called them up once a month, and my wife will go pick it up because their office is on the other side of town. (That she goes to a few times a week) Although this time was different. This time, they told me that because Adderall is a narcotic, I need to come in every 3 months for a check-up and quick chat with the doctor. This is something I've never done before and they just told me that's always been their office policy. Weird right? So I checked with a family member who is on the exact same drug (although a higher dose) but goes to a different doctor. They do not have to do this, and because my doctor is all the way on the other side of town I decided that I might just switch doctors. But after a week I just gave in and set up an appointment. Knowing that this is most likely just another way to bleed the insurance companies by any means possible.
I talked with the doctor and every thing seemed fine until he decided to take a listen to my heart. When he asked me if I've ever had a heart murmur before, I started to get a little nervous. I haven't. With a slight frown he asked if I have had any chest pains or shortness of breath. I hadn't. So he scheduled an echocardiogram in a week or two and left the room. And then I remembered a few days before when I had what I think was really bad heart burn.... The nerves are really getting jumpy now! But even still, I decide not to tell my doctor when he comes back with my prescription. Because he tells me not to worry, don't lose any sleep, 90% of the time its nothing serious. Those are not too bad odds I thought.
Over the course of the next two weeks waiting for my ECG every slight chest pain immediately gets my heart racing. Waiting for my left arm to go tight and slump over from a heart attack, my wife calms me down. She reminds me that I'm fine and nothing is wrong with me. So I get over the panic, for the most part. I had my ECG and am waiting for the results that should be in this week.
One thing this has done for me, is the new out look on life. It might be stupid because like my doctor said, 90% of the time its nothing. But thinking about the 10% is scary. Once I stopped thinking about dieing, I started thinking about how I'm living. I turned off the TV, climbed down onto the floor and played with my two year old son. Not that I never play with him, but I thought "you never know when your time is up, and I'd rather know that I made time for my family." I want my kids and Wife to KNOW that they mean more to me than anything else. And I love it! The extra time means so much to me. Simple things like taking the dog for a walk and bringing him to the pet store to buy some fish for his new aquarium we set up in his room. And turning the TV off and going to bed with my wife not after. I don't do this all the time, I still watch a lot of TV, go on the computer, and stay up past my wifes bed time. But I try to at least once a day make the conscious decision to make the time. My family has always been the most important but I wasn't LIVING IT.
I'm sure ill be fine, and I'm doing what I can to not worry about it. But I see Gods plan in this. Such a random thing to happen to get me to look at my life and what I find valuable. Where do you place you chips in life? What matters to you the most, and are you LIVING IT?

What is this, Why bother???

2009-05-26T08:52:00.001-07:00

Ok, I guess I'm trying out this blogging thing... I am not really sure why, I honestly am not even sure what a "blog" is. I have read a few, but that's about it. I am an avid user of the micro-blog site Twitter (follow me @anoah33) and I am constantly becoming frustrated by my allowed 140 characters not cutting it.
So here I am today, typing on my Blackberry Curve 8330 on a slow day at work. Now I'm wondering "what's the point?" "Where will this lead."
I wonder if anyone will even read my blog. Will I receive comments, get into heated arguments. Or will my thoughts go on unnoticed, float through the deep endless space that is the internet.
And now, I hope. I hope I do get in arguments, see others world views as they see mine. Who knows, maybe ill even learn a thing or two. I hope I can get my thoughts down, have something to write (type) about.
So I guess that's about it. I don't know how often ill be blogging, is there a rule as to when you do it? Daily, weekly, who knows? I guess ill let the voices in my head do the talking from here.....

An Eagle Soars

2009-05-26T06:59:00.001-07:00

An Eagle Soars

His dark out line is sharp against the clear blue Sky
Showing great strength He pulls Himself amongst the soft white clouds
Long circles across the sky, one might say He’s lost
Something tells Me that He isn’t Determined, as if Life depended on it, He keeps His eyes on the ground far below Him
Scanning the Earth’s floor, He finds me, standing alone atop a Mountain
The stunning Grey Mountain cuts through the blue sky, outlining greatness and accomplishment
Unsure as to why I was on this Mountain, and puzzled even more by how I got there, I stood
Lost
With a proud form, the Eagle lands next to Me on a branch of an old pine tree
I look over to Him, but his wise deep eyes never turn to my direction
Instead, He keeps his eyes looking across the land
Knowing
“Would You like me to Show You?” comes a loud but comforting voice
Not believing an Eagle could speak, and thinking I must be hallucinating, I said nothing
But He knew what lied in the depths of my heart
And My eyes became His eyes
My arms, His mighty wings I stretched wide
And My feet, now grasping the weathered old pine branch below
I closed My new eyes
I inhale Crisp, Clear, Cool Air
The Oxygen comes into My lungs and travels to the outmost parts of My new body
A new Energy flows with it like Lightning, making Me sharp and alert
I open My new eyes to see Everything, I drink the images of God and His Creation
I see how He has carefully, and lovingly placed each Individual piece
The view of God glory is almost overpowering, but the lightning keeps me strong
Exhale
I take another deep Breath as I take to the sky
How to describe flying? Freedom, Peace, Wholeness
Gliding through the fresh air with the wind in my face, I wonder where this Journey is headed
What plans are in store for Me? What answers will I find?I fly far off, away from the Mountain until I come to a Hazel Field
Long grass sways gently in the light breeze
The sun is high and bright. It’s rays traveling from afar dry a Butterfly’s wings from the morning’s dew Displaying Her magnificent colors of blue, red, yellow, and violet, She flutters with Grace
She lands in a patch of wild flowers who boast an even more delightful show of colors
She sits quietly, knowing of her Beauty
Below Her, a Field Mouse scurries through a maze of self made tunnels. Going which ever way he pleases
Knowing of his Accomplishments. He is full of life. Knowing Freedom
And at last a Bunny as white as a Christmas mornings snow fall, returns home to his family
Love and Joy overflow His home, as they are now all together
Exhale
I want this Love, this Peace and FulfillmentI long for It, Thirst for It. I Lust for It The Greed consumes me, as I begin to take in another Breath
I must get as much of this Crisp, Clear, Cool Air as I can
I force more and more Oxygen into my lungs
Eyes shut tight as pain begins to fill my chest, but I ignore it. I take off again to find
More
Far away from the Hazel Fields I come upon a Large Canyon
And below it, a Plush Green Forest sits in the Darkness
Blinded by the Greed I dive down and land on a dead branch
A winding River flows through the Canyon
It rages with conformity, rejecting itself from freedom
With the slightest change of course, the entire river shifts as a whole
In perfect uniform like a Nazi Army preparing for Battle
As They crash into polished round stones speckled in shades of brown and black
Individual droplets of Blue emerge from the mass and take to the Air
I watch in Horror as They scream for Their Freedom
Pleading with the Sky to remove Their shackles and Rescue Them from the thrashing, drowning, grasp But the Sky does not hear Their cries. It is too busy attending to the Birds and Clouds
So the Individuals turn to the Trees, groaning for a Rescuer But the tall old Trees are full of ignorance, they don’t know the Pain of the riverbed beside them
Realizing the hopeless truth, that They are not destined for Freedom
That Pain and Emptiness are all They are going to feel
Chills run across and through Them
A feeling of Cold comes into Them and fills Them, only to slowly leave
Like a soul removing itself from a dead man
And Gravity pulls on the Individuals bringing them back to the River
Consumed in an instant, They will never be again
Forever, lost in a world of Blue
Where even the Trees leave you for dead
And the Sky never will hear Your cries for Salvation
Exhale
Suddenly, I am My own again
No more Sharp eyes or glorious Wings
Standing on my own feet, back atop the Grey Mountain
Had I been asleep? Was it all a Dream?I turned and there stood the Eagle on His branch“Why have you shown me these things?”“What Answers am I supposed to have?” I asked
And I suppose, If eagles could talk
He would have
A soft sparkle seemed to fill His Eyes
He opened His great Wings, and took to the Sky
A feeling deep within told me
This Journey wasn’t an Answer at all

-Noah Peterson (2007)