Creep

I wish that I had this song while I was growing up. School was never easy for me. Not the academic part, but the having friends and being popular part. And I blame my parents! If it wasn't for them, I could have been a shallow, self-centered, little prick just like all the other popular people at my school. If they would have only raised me knowing that all that matters is how much money you have, what store you buy your cloths at, and what kind of cool shit your parents buy you was what really mattered I would have been so much better off! Sorry for the language, in face I have wanted to post this song for over a year but couldn't decide if I should censor it or not, being a youth leader and all. I've decided on a compromise, I posted it but not on facebook. To censor the lyrics would censor how i felt. Swearing may be "wrong" or a "sin" but sometimes that's just the truth. Believe me, I wish that I didn't feel this way. I have always had a very few close friends, but never really popular. Although I was always the kid who's mom took him to the park and easily found a friend for the day. Now I realize that the friend I always got was the kid who wasn't "cool." I grew up not knowing the meaning of that word, a person was a person and you should be nice to everyone. Do I regret the friendships I had growing up? No and Yes. On one hand, I had some amazing friends and I know that I was myself not trying to be someone else to be popular. On the other hand, I was not "cool" and subject to childhood mocking. Do I hate the people who made fun of me and refused to be nice. In short, yes. I know God wants me to forgive them and in a way I have forgave them. But that doesn't keep the anger from resurfacing from time to time. Like running into them, or writing a blog about the subject :)
So yeah, it's my parents fault. I hate them for making me a good and decent person. Thanks a lot mom and dad! I could have had it easy, I could have gone to partys, and made fun of other people. I could have been the reason for some other losers blog post that few will actually read only causing more feelings of self-worthlessness. But no, you had to teach me about Christs love, and that people are just that, people. People who deserve a chance even if you weren't given one. It would have been so nice to go through elementary and high school with tons of friends and yearbook pictures.

on the other hand, it's great to know I'm not a Dick!

Creep: by, Radiohead

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

So even though I still feel this way from time to time. I am thankful for my life. Thinking about how I want to raise my sons has been a small struggle. Do i want them to be popular, YES! That would be awesome. On the other hand, it is way more important to me that he is not a Dick. If they grew up the most popular kids in school but were total Dicks i would be so much more disappointed.
remember, its not too late to not be a Dick, give it a try you may end up loving being a "loser." just like me, hell I'll hang out with you!!